Life after Love
by JedandJasper
Summary: This is the story of what would have happened if Sephy agreed to an abortion.
1. Hurting you hurts me

Chapter 1

Hurting you hurts me

SPOV: Dad barged into my room without even knocking in the door first. It was very late, almost midnight, but I wasn't the least bit sleepy. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had a good night's sleep. I sat at my table, writing in my diary when Dad came in. I shut the book and swivelled around in my chair. Dad stopped in the middle of the room. We regarded each other. We hadn't exchanged a word since he slapped me. Dad sat down on the corner of my bed, suddenly looking very weary. "I'm not going to beat about the bush, Persephone," he told me. "Callum Mc Gregor is going to hang for what he did to you."

I swallowed hard but still didn't speak.

"And you're the only one who can stop it," Dad continued.

Every cell in my body was put on full alert at Dad's words. I sat very still and watchful, waiting for him to carry on.

"It's within my power to ensure that he doesn't hang. I'll make sure he only goes to prison. He'll get a long sentence but at least he'll be alive."

And where there's life... there's a price. I kept my mouth shut waiting for the other shoe to drop. "And all you have to do is agree to have an abortion,"

CPOV: I sat on my sad excuse of a bed thinking about Sephy and that nameless, faceless, abstract idea that soon would be part of my own flesh and blood. Except I wouldn't be around to see it. Just being able to say that I'm having a baby with the woman I love should be enough to momentarily make me forget that I was a dead man walking. But, the thought was always there, as if it was a noxious gas that was slowly infecting every room of my mind. I needed to stop this.

It wasn't so much the fact that I was scared of dying, I definitely wasn't LM training had taught me better than that. The reason I didn't want to die was because it would leave Sephy alone, broken and with a child. I rubbed my face roughly at this thought before flopping back onto the wafer thin mattress. The thought of Sephy alone and hurt made me so angry I could barley think straight. Although she might not be left hurting, maybe she hates me just like her dagger father. Maybe she will be glad to see me go. Maybe this is best for everyone.

All I wanted was Sephy to be happy and our child to be happy too. At this point of my life it was hard to tell exactly what I want or need but I know that my child has to live. No matter what.

SPOV: My eyes flew open and immediately sat bolt upright panting. It took a while for the darkened room came into focus but when it did I recognised it as my own. I disentangled myself from the sheets on my bed and walked sleepily over to my desk. I flicked through the past few weeks of entries in my diary and realised how superficial they all seemed now. None of them thought about a world where Callum would not exist. None of them thought about a world where my baby did not exist. Now I realised that the two things that I loved the most could not co-exist. I rested my hurting head in my hands and exhaled. _Callum or our child._ How did someone make this decision? How do you choose between two things so precious and irreplaceable?

I sat at that desk for hours thinking things through. My decision came so readily to me that I think, subconsciously, I knew that this was my unavoidable destination. Glancing at the clock on the wall I saw that it wouldn't be too early to go and see my father but first I had some things I needed to do. Blessing the fact I had a phone in my room a made a quick, hushed call before dressing quickly and grabbing my bag and walking out of the house.

The walk between my house and Meadowview was not too long and it gave me more time to think about things. The way I had left my father hanging like that last night meant that he would pump me for an answer the moment he saw me. The decision I had made tore me up inside and gave me this sick feeling in my throat every time I thought about it.

Before long I was stood outside a grungy looking block of flats called Skylark Apartments. Looking the place up and down made me want to run all the way back home and never leave there again but that wasn't my home anymore, you couldn't live somewhere where you weren't welcome.

With this thought in my head I somehow made my feet begin to move towards the door of the building. The reception room was a complete disappointment. There was not so well concealed dry rot and damp patches on the walls and an out of order lift next to a flight of rickety stairs. Standing next to the post racks on the wall was a short, fat nought man dressed in a grubby polo shirt and jeans. Knowing this was the man I was looking for I walked towards him trying not to think too hard about what I was about to do.

"Mr Jenks?" I asked tentatively. The man turned towards me and gave me a filthy calculating look.

"Yes, are you here about the apartment?" He asked looking down his squashed nose at me but the effect was somewhat ruined by the distinctive Northern accent.

I nodded trying to mask my disgust at the place.

Giving me another searching look he said "Follow me then"

We reached the eighth floor of the building and Mr Jenks motioned to a battered door about halfway along the landing. I opened it and walked inside. It was just one open plan space that was about the size of bedroom at home. There was a tiny, disgusting kitchenette in the corner of the room with a bed opposite the door. On the left there was a sofa with most of its springs missing and a coffee table. I noticed a light patch on the wall paper where there had once been a TV. There was one small dirty window above the bed and a thin plasterboard partition next to the bed that I guessed held the bathroom.

"So what'd you think" Mr Jenks' gruff voice behind me pulled me out of my thoughts and I turned to face him.

"It's great I'll take it" I said feigning enthusiasm.

He studied the apartment, probably looking for left-over's from the previous tenant before answering "I need the first months rent upfront and from then it will be due on the first of every month. If you want to move out I need a month's notice. Oh and no pets." He added as an afterthought.

I scrambled around in the bag I had hanging on my shoulder until there was a wad of notes in my hand. I counted out one month's rent in to Mr Jenks' hand before making a mental note of everything I would need from home and walking out of the building. Considering it was to be my new home it probably wasn't good that it felt like I hadn't been able to breathe properly the entire time I was in there. Pushing this out of my head I quickly strode off in the direction of my house barely noticing as the grey streets of Meadowview melted into the pastel colours of my old neighbourhood.

I looked around my room one last time and checked that all of the possessions I cared about were in one on the two suitcases at my feet. I surprised me how few of the items in my room actually made the cut. Most of my clothes were in the smaller of the two suitcases and the larger one held most of the contents of the fridge as well as the few possessions I actually cared about. I walked over to my bed and pulled the drawer out of the bedside table. There was the usual collection of useless junk but taped to the back of it was a wad of notes that represented all of my savings form the last three years. Tucking this into me jeans pocket I walked out of my room for the last time.

Seconds later I stood at the heavy oak door of my Dad's study. My bags were in the hall way near the door so I could escape quickly if I needed to. Raising a shaking hand I knocked on the door.

"Come in" My father replied sharply and I obliged, pushing the door open and stepping in the luxurious airy space.

As I closed the door behind me my father looked up from the papers on his desk, his expression hardening as he saw me.

"Ah, Persephone" He said in a cold tone as he put the papers that were on his desk in a drawer before looking back at me. "Have you thought any more about our discussion last night?" He asked following me with his cold eyed as I moved from the door to stand in front of his desk.  
"Yes" I said uncertainly "That's what I am here about actually"

"So you have your answer?" He prompted. I took a moment to consider how to phrase what I was about to say. Closing my eyes I imagined Callum; his grey eyes staring into mine, his soft lips caressing my body. Then a mental image of our baby interrupted with a perfect balance between me and Callum, my eyes, his nose and the perfect balance of beige skin that covered their tiny body. Taking a deep breath I opened my eyes again and saw that my father was still staring at me expectantly.

"I'm going to have an abortion" I could see I had his full attention now "I have found a flat and I am ready to move in there immediately. But, in return, I don't just want you to let Callum off the death penalty" I had to stop then as the thought of Callum being killed made a physical lump form in my chest and my hands shake. I clenched my shaking fists and looked up at my Father who was still looking expectantly at me. "I want you to drop the charges" as I was still looking at his face I saw the moment's pain this statement caused him before he masked it with his Politian face.


	2. Freedom

Chapter 2

Freedom

CPOV:

I knew something was wrong. Before now my lawyer and I were having almost daily meetings about how I should behave in the courtroom and what I should say. Then this morning no officer came for me to take me to the visitor's room even though my lawyer told me that he would meet me at nine tomorrow, I didn't have a watch but I knew that it was already later than that. I ran my hand through my hair for the hundredth time making it stand up on end. I had spent all morning trying to reason this out. _Maybe my Lawyer was ill; maybe he had dropped my case; maybe the court was reviewing the evidence before I was brought to trial._ I realised that all of these apart from the first was entirely unlikely but there had to be an explanation for this abnormality. The bars of my cell began to rattle and I looked over at them to see Jack my guard stood there opening the cell. Jack was the only person in this place that, not only had a slight doubt about the guilty verdict the jury was sure to throw out, but he also was the closest thing I had had to a friend in over five years.

"Jack? What going on" I said the tone of confusion clear in my voice.

He finished securing the door from the inside and turned to me smiling broadly. "I have got some really good news for you Callum" He said as he walked over to the bed where I was still sitting.

The last 15 minutes had been the most surreal of my life so far and that included all of the shit I had to put up with in the LM. As Jack had hurriedly explained to me in my cell Kamal Hadley had spontaneously decided to drop the charges against me and that I had to appear court quickly for my formal release. Needless to say this had left me feeling completely elated but there was still the niggling doubt that this was some kind of trap. The fact the Kamal had a human feeling in his body sent alarm bells ringing but the fact he was showing kindness to me was about as far from normal as you could get. The only slightly plausible conclusion I could draw was that somehow Sephy had managed to convince her father to release me but that seemed altogether unlikely. My head reeled as the thought of Sephy entered it. If all of this went smoothly I would be free not only so see her but to hold her, smell and tell her how much I loved her in just a few short hours.

The door to the right of the Judges stand opened, pulling me out of my thoughts. A formidable looking Cross in Judge's Robes strutted in bringing with him the air of complete control and absolute power. The caller in the corner of the courtroom said "All rise for the Honourable Justice Sandbrough" In a clear voice, the room obeyed. After the usual few minutes when the Judge walked to the stand and settled himself he said in a cool clear voice "Be seated" and then quickly began reading off the sheet in front of him at incredible speed as if he wanted this to be over with as soon as possible.

"Callum Ryan McGregor, on the 25th of July you were charged with the kidnap and rape of Persephone Maria Hadley. To the above charges you pled not guilty.

On the 18th of August Kamal Hadley chose to drop the charges against the accused. Do you still stand by your decision?" The judge paused and peered a Sephy's Father over the top of his half glasses. For the first time I looked over at the people in the balcony and sure enough saw Kamal sitting front and centre but I was pleased to see that he looked distinctly ill and worn. His hair was greyer than the last time I had seen him and it did not smooth down quite as well anymore. Looking like he was about to choke he stood up and said "I do" and then locked eyes with me directly. The hatred that was pouring out of them was almost tangible, I was hard but I held his gaze until he looked away. Well that blew my theory he was a reformed character.

"Callum Ryan McGregor you are acquitted on both counts and are free to go. Court adjourned" The judge said banging his hammer. My lawyer had to grab my arm and pull me up before a remembered I was supposed to be leaving the courtroom now. It still hadn't quite sunken in, I was slightly shell shocked from the quickness of the proceedings but the euphoria at the fact that I was free slowly began to break over me and I felt a huge grin slide easily onto my face for the first time since all of this ordeal had begun.

SPOV:

I was furious that my father had not let me be in the court room during the proceedings but now, as people began to file out of the large oak doors excitement began to fill my stomach. I would be able to see Callum in just a few minutes. My father emerged from the doors and walked straight past me without even acknowledging I was there. The steady stream of people leaving the courtroom was thinning and there was still no sign if Callum. My heart began to beat faster in my chest. What if my father had gone back on his word when he was in there? Would he do that? Suddenly, and taking me completely by surprise, Meggie McGregor emerged from the courtroom with a smile firmly planted on her face. This made the momentary worry lift off my chest and the Meggie turned, the smile was replaced with shock.

"Sep...Sephy?" She stammered a confused.

She hadn't moved out of the doorway yet and this meant that she was being knocked by the disgruntled men and women of the jury-none of whom were noughts despite the fact everyone was meant to be judged by a jury of their peers. The silence seemed to go onto although it had only been seconds since she had seen me. Meggie stepped to one side still looking at me with that confused look on her face and then suddenly it cleared into a broad smile and I was being hugged like only Meggie could and my mother never did.

"Thank you so much, I can't imagine how hard it was for you to stand up to your father like that" She took a step back but continued to hold onto my arms.  
"If you need anything, ever just ask me" she said releasing my arms.

"Thank you Meggie, that really means a lot" and then without saying anymore we stood there in silence and waited.

CPOV:

When the verdict was given I was convinced I had misheard the judge's orders or that this was some kind of sick joke. Then the policemen were pulling me out of the prosecution box and into one of the anterooms off the court room. There I was stripped of my prison clothes and given what I had had in me when I was arrested. As I donned the grubby white t shirt and jeans I had been wearing for week in the forest the memories of our night together came flooding back and I was suddenly overcome with longing for Sephy. The leaving protocol could hardly go slower than it did and although I was so happy I could burst everyone I encountered met me with filthy looks and searching stares.

Finally it was over and I was allowed through the front doors of the court house. I was firstly struck by the feeling of freedom that could only come from standing outside with no handcuffs on. Then my gaze fell to the two women that stood at the foot of the stairs outside the courthouse and all of the happiness that been building inside me since the judge gave his verdict burst from me and I ran down the steps and into their arms.


	3. Life on the Outside

Chapter 3

Life on the outside

CPOV:

As the three of us began to pull away from the embrace I realised the lingering states of the passersby but I still didn't care. I glanced over at Sephy and she looked sheepish, I threw her a searching look and this prompted her into speech.

"Well Callum don't feel you have to but I sort of have my own flat and I was thinking if..." She trailed off looking at me helplessly. I smile broke over my face again and I laughed as I said

"Sephy the only reason I have just endured all that crap is so that I can come out here and spend the rest of my life with you and our family." The smile I expected to slide onto her face at this point seemed to falter halfway but I brushed it off and though no more about it, turning to mum I saw a slightly plastic smile on her face as well.

"Don't you worry either Mum, I will still come and visit whenever I can" and then gave her a big hug.

"Of course I know you will, it just I was thinking you might all be happier at home until you get back on your feet, but I can understand you wanting your privacy." She said in a effort to show she didn't care where I lived as long as I was out of prison and we both knew that within two days I would be driving her crazy.

So we said no more about it and we exchanged one more hug before turning our separate ways. As I held her close I couldn't stop from inhaling deeply, never wanting to forget the scent that brought me through my childhood. Being so close to death without her or Sephy being able ot be with me made me realise how much I needed them both.

SPOV: 

We stepped into my dingy flat and without another word Callum was kissing me. Closing the door and dropping our bags on the floor we walked into the tiny bedroom still kissing. We started to undress each other my mind flashing back to that night in the cabin in the woods and then we were both stood there topless. Callum whispered in my ear the first words since we had got in the door "I can't believe our child is inside you" he said placing his hands on my still swollen but now soft stomach.

I pulled away my arms still locked around his waist. "Uh, Callum" I said awkwardly looking up into his face. "Yes" he replied, his lips working their way along my jaw bone and down my neck. "Well, don't be angry, it was the only way." I pleaded with him.

"Just spit it out" He said lovingly looking me full in the face now. Not knowing how to phrase it I decided to just blurt it out "I had an abortion".

The effect of these four simple words was instantaneous. His body stiffened next to mine and his stormy eyes seemed to be fixed in the distance. "Callum?"

Without a single word he disentangled himself from me and stormed out of the room. Panicking I ran after him "Callum? Callum. It was the only way! I didn't want this. Callum" He just grabbed his bag off the floor and walked into the hall slamming the door behind him and pulling his t-shirt over his head as he went. Knowing that if I pursued him down the street I would get nothing except perhaps a few filthy looks, I stayed in the flat staring at the closed door. I couldn't quite believe it. The warm part of me that filled up whenever I saw Callum was hollow and cold and the slamming of the door seemed to have pulled part of my chest out with it leaving an aching hole where there was once flesh and bone. As my body closed down in shock to Callum's sudden departure and I sunk to the floor in despair my mind began to sharpen. _He's gone. You did that Sephy, you made him go. _

CPOV: 

_AN ABORTION? ABORTION? When did I ever, EVER give her the impression I wanted her to have an abortion? _I stalked down the street not knowing where I was headed to. My feet took care of all physical movement, as my mind raced out of Meadowview and to that lonely cabin in the woods and that night we spent together. _My hand slipped under her flimsy t-shirt and I traced the contours of her spine moving slowly up her silky back. My fingertips brushed against the clasp of her bra and our kiss deepened urging me on. I moved my second hand that had been resting on her curvaceous hip onto the small of her back and smoothly... _NO. I can't think about that now. Now I had to... well I didn't know what I had to do but I did know I had to get as far away from Sephy's apartment as possible.

Before I figured out where I was planning of going I was there. In the house to the left of my where I was standing there was a nought family moving in, a father, a daughter and _Christ why couldn't I get away from it? _The mother of the family was visibly pregnant. She was just a little more far gone than the last time I saw Sephy actually carrying our child. _God. _Just thinking the words made my chest twist like someone had stabbed me and was enjoying to twist the knife in the wound they had made in my chest.

"Jessica" The harassed looking mother called over to the girl "Don't touch Daddy's guns" immediately the young girl stopped trying to open the box that had been the most recent object of her attention. She scurried inside after her mother. The father nodded at me before entering the house behind them. That simple scene that had just played out in front of me twisted the dagger in my chest around another full turn at the sight of this wholesome family scene. This pain jolted me back to the present. I then caved realising I had nowhere else to go and rang the doorbell of my mother's house.

SPOV: 

_I was in a dark room, lying face up on the cold floor. I sat up and tried, in vain to look around. Suddenly a light in the distance flickered into life, illuminated in its dim rays was... Callum! I got to my feet as fast as I could and started sprinting towards him calling out his name. It was then I realised that Callum was holding a small bundle in his arms his head bent down staring at it. This strange sight made me slow to a walk. "Callum?" I called, quieter this time. He continued to stare down at the bundle in his arms refusing to look at me. I walked the last few meters and towards him he still ignored me. I reached out and touched his arm, the effect was instantaneous. His head snapped up so that he was looking at me. His face was contorted with an emotion so strong it seemed to be causing him physical pain. "Cal, Callum, what's wrong" his response was to look back at whatever it was he was cradling in his arms. This intrigued me, and I moved towards it tentatively I reached out towards the bundle and pulled back a corner. The sight inside of it made me gasp and pull away from Callum's gruesome bundle. Standing there in shock I couldn't take my eyes off the tiny ghost white limb now dangling from the bundle of old cloth. I started to back away in disgust but Callum followed me not able to take his eyes off me now. "I don't understand Sephy" Callum rasped in a croaky voice unlike his own "I thought you loved me" he said now crying "I thought you loved our baby too" _

_Unable to speak I continued to back away but Callum was faster he caught up with me and thrust the dead child into my arms. As he did so the cloth shifted slightly revealing a prefect and peaceful face staring blankly back at me. "Look what you did to her" he cried his voice filled with complete despair. I was so shocked I dropped the child and started to run. As I did so I instinctively looked at my hands. They were soaked with crimson blood._

CPOV: 

My mother's new house was tiny with just two bedrooms and a small bathroom upstairs and a kitchen and living room downstairs.

"Callum, dinner" She called up the stairs at that moment.

"Be there in a sec" I called back sitting up on my bed which I had been lying on and getting to my feet. Within seconds I was in the kitchen greeted by the smell of whatever stew Mum had cooked for dinner. We seemed to have reached an unspoken agreement not to talk about why I was here, much less here alone. We stumbled awkwardly though the uncomfortable silence that graced this meal. When I had finished I went back to my room and lay on my bed again staring at the cracked, damp ceiling. After a few moments I sprang to my feet and grabbed my jacket off the back of my door. After mumbling something about a walk to my mum I was out of the door and in the cool evening air. For the second time that day I was walking without a purpose. It was a few moments before I realised I was heading towards Sephy's block of flats. I paused for a moment before carrying on. I had nothing better to do.

The bench outside of Sephy's block of flats was damp and uncomfortable but I barely noticed. I had been sat there for over an hour just staring at the tiny that looked in on her flat. I wished that I could be at that window able to see in on her life what she was doing at this moment. Whatever she was doing I hoped she was thinking of the life she had taken from this world. The life she had taken from me. I hope these thoughts caused her pain. With these masochistic thoughts running through my head I got up and started to walk home.

SPOV: 

I lay by the door to my flat for so long I lost track of time. The pain in my chest worsened when I was awake but sleeping meant the darkened room with Callum. So I chose to lie comatose until the pain went. I had a feeling I was going to be there for a long time.


	4. Words speak louder

Chapter 4

Words speak louder

SPOV: I awoke, still lying by the door of my new flat. Lifting my head off of the floor I realised that the light coming through the wafer thin curtains meant that I had stayed here, lying on the floor, throughout the last few hours of yesterday and all of last night. I tried to see the clock on the coffee table but a whitish blur was blocking it from view. As my eyes came into better focus I realised that it was a piece of paper folded in half. I could only see the first few letters of the short word printed on it from this angle _S...e...p. _Where had this come from? I lay for a few minutes contemplating the unexpected appearance of this paper on my floor, finally, curiosity overthrew my state of depression and I reached out a shaking hand and my towards it, my fingertips brushed the rough surface of the paper as I stretched further and managed to get hold of it. Pulling it back to where I lay I held it close to my face and saw that it was my name printed upon it, _Sephy._ My curiosity now taking over, I slid my finger between the two halves of paper and pulled the top back revealing the neatly printed letter underneath. I quickly started to read, devouring each word. I was half-way down the page before the world went from underneath me.

CPOV: _Shit._ It has to be here. I was sat on the floor of my bedroom with all of the things I had from prison strewn around me. I looked for the hundredth time in all of the pockets and corners of my main bag and then repeated this exercise with the other smaller bag lying on the floor. _Shit. _Flinging the bag down on the floor I started scrambling through the piles of crap on my floor. It wasn't there. Defeated I got up and started to put things away. I had decided to unpack everything this morning to at least give the impression that I had a normal life and I had realised that there was one major deficiency in my belongings. _The letter._ Even now I couldn't believe I had ever had the strength to write it, so much poison, so many lies. I couldn't believe I had let it get away. Once Sephy had planned to meet me outside the prison I knew that it was pointless but I couldn't let go of it. I had planned to drop in a dumpster near Sephy's house but I had run out of time for that. No matter how much that girl had hurt me I knew that she never deserved to read the contents of that letter.

_Sephy,_

_I'm writing this to you because I want you to know the way things really are. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life believing a lie._

_I don't love you. I never did. You were just an assignment to me. A way for all of us in my cell of the liberation militia to get money - a lot of money from your dad. As for the sex – well, you were available and I had nothing better to do. You should have seen yourself, lapping up every word of that nonsense I spouted about loving you and living only for you and being too scared to say it before. I don't know how I stopped myself from laughing out loud as you bought all that rubbish. As if I could love someone like you a – a cross and worse than that, the daughter of one of our worst enemies. Having sex with you was just my way of getting back at your dad for being a bastard and your mum for looking down her nose at me all those years. And now you're pregnant._

_Well, I'm ecstatic. Now the whole world will know you're having my child, the child of a blanker. That if nothing else is worth dying for. Whether you come to my hanging or not, I'm going to announce to the world that you're having __my__ child. MINE. Even if you do get rid of our child, everyone will still know. _

_But no one will know how much I despise you. I loathe the very thought of you and now when I think about all the things we did when we were alone in the cabin, I feel physically sick. To think I actually kissed you, licked you, touched you, joined my body with yours. I had to think of my other lovers the entire time to stop myself from pulling away from you in disgust. God knows, I'm disgusted with myself but the object of the exercise was your total humiliation – and at least I can console myself with the knowledge that that's what I've achieved. Did you really in your wildest dreams believe that I could love someone like you? You've got more ego than any fifty people I know. And you've got absolutely nothing to be egotistical about._

_I've told Jack to deliver this to you only if and when you have our child. I can imagine your face now as you read this and at least that gives me comfort as I wait to die. Once you've had our child and you've read this, no doubt you'll hate me just as much as I hate you. But just remember, I had you first. Go ahead and try and forget about me. And while you're forgetting, you can do something else. Never tell our child about me. I don't want him or her to know who I am or how I died or anything about me. I don't want you to mention my name ever again. That shouldn't be too hard after all the things I've told you in this letter. All the true things. You're probably so conceited that you're telling yourself what I' saying isn't true. That I'm only saying this so you'll move on with your life, but I never for a second doubted you'd do that anyway._

_I won't tell you to take care of yourself. You're a cross who was born with a jewel-encrusted, platinum spoon in your mouth and even if you don't take care of yourself, others will do it for you._

_Forget about me._

_I've already forgotten about you._

_Callum._

SPOV: _Shit._

CPOV: _Shit. _

The window that looked into Sephy's bedroom looked small and grubby from the street below. Mind you it probably looked like that even if you were right next to it. Standing here had given me time to think about things.

I had just been to the garage I had worked in before I had gone to prison to try and get my old job back. They didn't let me. A sudden and unexpected surge of anger swelled inside of me so I clenched my fists in my pockets and. Not getting the job had really just put a mouldy cherry on top of the festering cake that was my life. I was so pissed off I could easily hit one of the people walking past me now, _just an innocent bystander of the train wreck that I live in._

Standing here while I felt like this probably wasn't the best idea but what else did I have to do? All these thought kept running through my head_ is she O.K? Has she read the letter _and in a state of anger I wondered _am I starting to believe the letter? _The anger gripping hold of me I suddenly stalked over to the front door of Sephy's building and wrenched open the door. I was going to rip that bitch in half and laugh at her screams.

SPOV: Considering what I was about to do I felt surprisingly calm. I placed my personal retort to Callum's letter in my jeans pocket and walked into the kitchen area. On the mouldy counter top was a knife, picking it up in one hand I positioned it over the wrist of the other, took a deep breath and...

CPOV: I took the stairs three at a time a murderous rage pulsing through my veins. I finally reached her floor, raced along the landing and paused in front of her door. I shoulder barged through it breaking the flimsy lock, _Christ that hurts more than they make it look in films,_ and found myself witnessing something my worst nightmares are made of.

SPOV: ...sliced through the flimsy skin that covered my veins. Pain ripped through my arm as a crash sounded behind me. I tried to turn my head but the movement was too much for my blood deprived body and I fell to the ground then everything went black.

CPOV: the anger flooded out of me as quickly as Sephy's blood was flooding out of her. I noticed a bulge in her jean pocket and plunged my hand in to grab hold of her mobile phone. A piece of folded paper came out of it too that had my name on it.

It looked too similar to the letter I wrote Sephy so I scrunched it in my hand and focused on dialling 999 on Sephy's phone. My fingers couldn't seem to move fast enough as I prodded the tiny buttons. Eventually I got through and a calm female voice was on the other end.

After giving her Sephy's address I threw the phone aside and pulled my t-shirt over my head then clamped it to her bleeding wrist. _Oh god there is so much blood. _Applying pressure as the emergency operator had told me I looked down into Sephy's ashen face and I felt a disobedient tear escape my eye. The LM had taught me to hide emotion and bury it deep within myself, but Sephy made me forget that, she made me forget that I needed to be angry; she made me forget I had to fight, to kill; she made me forget I was a soldier. When I was with her I might as well have been a 6 year old boy for all the strength and resolve I showed.

The minutes dragged as Sephy's crimson blood soaked through the light fabric of my t-shirt. The rebel tear had caused a dam to burst within me and now, with each tear that ran down my face, I felt the murderous rage that had pulsed through me moments before being replaced with complete despair at the scene of tragic beauty at my feet.

My thoughts were interrupted by a voice behind me "hey is this number 8, only the door has been ripped off?" My head snapped around to see a young cross standing in the doorway in a green jumpsuit carrying a small box with a red cross on the side. "Yer this is it" I managed to rasp out removing my hands for Sephy's frightfully cold ones to wipe my sodden face.

As he ran in and started to inspect Sephy's arm I stood up and turned around to see two more men coming in carrying a stretcher between them. The three men busied themselves with Sephy as I looked on helplessly. "Is this what she used?" one of them asked pointing to the knife. I nodded dumbly. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asked shrewdly. "I...I'm her boyfriend" I stammered not sure if Sephy would agree with me right now. "Why didn't you try to stop her?" he asked looking directly at me now. "I found her like this" I said desperately.

"Right that's all we can do for her here, let's go" he said to the other two men and in desperation I asked "will she be alright?"

"Well there is a lot of blood" he replied as he walked out of the door with me following dumbly behind them.

The next few hours were a rush of hospitals and waiting rooms. I noticed a distinct lack of Sephy's parents as me and mum sat and waited on any news. Once we had got here she had been whisked away into a windowless room so I couldn't even stand outside and see how she was doing. They had let me ride in the ambulance grudgingly but letting me know what was going was apparently one step too far.

A nurse had noticed my half naked blood covered self standing in the middle of the hallway, after letting me borrow a scrub top form the nurse's station she had noticed how I winced as I put it on and informed me that I had a dislocated shoulder. I barely noticed the pain as someone prodded and poked it and then crunched it back into place. I now had a stylish foam sling around my neck and a bottle of painkillers in my pocket. They had had to call mum because I was still a minor and she had agreed to stay with me as I waited for news on Sephy.

"I can't take any more of this" I heard mum say beside me "I need to do something, do you want a coffee?"

Without looking at her I mumbled my consent and continued to stare into space. Once she had left I became aware of the paper still clenched in my hand unscrunching it I read the name on the front _Callum._ The eerie resemblance to my letter made me shiver sending a burning sensation down my bad arm. I flipped over the front of the paper and began to read.

_Your eyes_

_Long ago I looked into your eyes_

_And I knew that I was home_

_Now your eyes are cold and I am on my own_

_Nothing's worse than feeling alone_

_What do you do when hope runs away?_

_What do you do when it dies?_

_Somehow you gotta fight through the pain_

_Somehow you gotta not cry_

_Sitting on the beach and picnics in the park_

_Memories we have so few_

_What I wouldn't give to go back to those days_

_What I wouldn't give to be with you_

_What do you do when hope runs away?_

_What do you do when it dies?_

_Somehow you gotta fight through the pain_

_Somehow you gotta not cry_

_Sitting here alone thinking of those days_

_Wondering if we could've had more time_

_Loving you was great in so many ways _

_Just being able to look into your eyes_


	5. Pain

Chapter 5

Pain

SPOV: Beep..._pain..._Beep..._regret..._Beep..._guilt_

CPOV: My bleary eyes flickered open and it took me a moment to register where I was: the waiting room of Meadowview Community Hospital. What a shithole. The posters on the walls about all sorts of ineffectual things barley concealed the damp peeling paint on the walls behind. I swear there is a paint factory somewhere that specialises in hospitals and schools as they all seem to have the same range of puke colours. I rubbed my stiff neck with my good hand as observed the bustling waiting room around me. Waiting room seemed to fit perfectly for this situation but not for the normal reason. _I'm waiting for the reason I want to die, I'm waiting for the reason I want to live, I'm waiting for the reason I want to kill, I'm waiting for the reason I want to love. _

_I'm waiting for Sephy. _

Unable to get rid of these thoughts I got up and headed down one of the many unfamiliar corridors that stank of disinfectant.

Eventually I came to a coffee machine and selected a type. I really don't know why they have all of these buttons on coffee machines in hospitals because all of them seem to taste the same: like watered down shit.

After draining my cup of lukewarm shit I started to wander aimlessly. I had to think. Mum had left me here hours ago, she had obviously thought I was a one person deal but now realised me and Sephy came as a pair.

"Err...can I help you?" a young male cross doctor was looking at me, concerned.

"I was looking for Persephone Hadley. They told me she was going to be moved a few hours ago but I dozed off" I replied. His face fell momentarily but he quickly tried to regain his composure.

"You're Callum" he said grimly

It wasn't a question

SPOV: Beep..._angst..._Beep..._worry..._Beep..._pain...pain._

CPOV: I rubbed a hand over my two day growth of stubble and continued to stare at the floor. I was in another waiting room.

"Callum McGregor?"

A small nurse stood before me holding a clip board and staring directly at me. I nodded wordlessly.  
"I have just got off the phone with the Hadley's solicitors. The disownment papers went through two days ago and she is over age so..."

"I can see her?" I said sitting up straight now.

"Looks like it" she replied, smiling "if you want to see her now you can follow me"

"Yer...now would be good" I said standing up, a small smile playing across my lips.

SPOV: Beep..._pain..._Beep..._disgrace..._Beep..._pain..._Beep..._pain...pain...pain._

CPOV: Sephy was in a private room with a whole range of tubes going in and out of her. She looked strangely out of place on that hospital bed. The contrast between her skin and the sheets was shocking but I could tell she was paler than usual. Her left arm was heavily bandaged and elevated in a type of sling next to the bed so she looked like she was reaching for something she couldn't quite reach. Which was why she had done this to herself in the first place.

The rest of her body was peaceful and serene. ..._my mother told me it meant serene night but Callum will tell you I'm anything but serene!_ Shaking my head slightly as if to physically remove these reminders of the past I walked towards the bed.

"I thought she just had a bad cut, why isn't she awake?" I asked, the anger and confusion in my voice barely concealed.

"Well as you probably already knew she had lost a lot of blood but we managed to transfuse her and..."

"And what?" I prompted the same doctor I had seen earlier in the corridor, I realised now that had been in the room with me all the time.

"Well the kitchen knife she used wasn't sterile and...Well she has contracted a huge infection, possibly exacerbated by the recent stress on the body"

"Stress?" I asked now next to the bed staring into Sephy's peaceful face

"Uuh...the abortion" the doctor answered looking nervous. _Abortion._ That simple word had seemed to mess up so much recently. Taking a final look at her face I stalked out of the room.

"Do you want us to call you if there are any changes?" the doctor asked and reluctantly I stopped and looked him hard in the face. _The mother of my child. The killer of my child. _

"Yes" I said at last and the doctor seemed to be profoundly grateful. After telling him my number and Sephy's address I walked out of the hospital, into the real world.

I stepped out into the evening realised that I didn't know what day of the week it was, what the time was or even when I had last showered, slept or eaten. I started to walk in the now familiar direction of Sephy's flat. Luckily I could coincide this trip with a quick walk past mum's house. If she was in I would just keep walking, if she wasn't I would quickly go in and grab my things from the room that was supposed to be mine.

CPOV: The window that looked into Sephy's bedroom looked small and grubby from the street below. Mind you it probably looked like that even if you were right next to it. Standing here had given me time to think about things. The carrier bags I held in my good hand were cutting grooves into it but I didn't care. For the second time in what felt like years I crossed the street and walked in to Sephy's building.

When I reached her apartment the déjà vu was almost too much as I saw the battered door and bloodstained linoleum. I walked over to the tiny double bed and dumped the backpack I had picked up from mum's house and then turned my attention to the kitchen.

In the carrier bags were an assortment of cleaning materials, some basic food, toiletries and bin-liners and tape to fix the door temporarily. I set to work on the kitchen floor scrubbing the cracked linoleum as hard as I could, pouring all the angst, fear and pain into it as I worked. It took me a while to realise that my fingers were adding to the bloody mess rather than helping to clear it up.

SPOV: Beep..._pain...pain..._Beep_...pain...pain...pain...pain_


	6. Numb

Chapter 6

Numb

CPOV: I blearily opened my eyes and quickly shut them again. The sun streaming through the moth eaten curtains was blinding and happened to fall right across my face. Sitting up I looked at my surrounding and all of the drama from the last few days came crashing back down on me. It tore at my chest and made me feel numb as I remembered the way Sephy just lay there completely helpless. Glancing at my watch I started to quickly get dressed. I had to see her now. I was out of the door within minutes.

What seemed like the hundredth doctor hurried past me as I sat on the now all too familiar plastic seats of the hospital. At least this time I was fully clothed.

"Mr McGregor?" I turned around quickly to see Sephy's doctor

"Callum, please" I said shaking his hand and standing up.

"Callum, I was going to call you in about an hour or so. We have some news." My heart leapt and then, just as quickly seemed to leave my chest all together. I studied his face for some kind of recognition of weather the love of my life was dead or alive.

"Come with me and I'll explain further" he said before turning around and walking down the wide corridor. We rushed past people sat on the waiting room seats looking like I had just moments before.

After what seemed like hours of endless silent corridors we reached Sephy's room. The doctor paused by the door looking apprehensive. Even though he had been Sephy's doctor from the start I only now really looked at him. He was young, probably only a little older than me but he looked tired, like he had grown up too fast. There was grey streaked through his thick brown hair and dark shadows under his eyes. I glanced at his name badge pinned on the front of his long white coat and saw that he was called Dr. J. Harrison.

"I have been doing some research and I think there might be a way to help Miss Hadley" His voice pulled me back in to the real world with a jolt. "I have checked with the hospitals specialists and they agree it could work but at the same time it may cause even more damage"

My body stiffened up at his words braced for more to come. "I plan to give Miss Hadley a large dose of different drugs that are all related to brain stimulation. I think it may give her the push she needs to regain conciseness" he paused looking hard at me. I still couldn't think of anything to say. "However, the dose and mixture of drugs may overwhelm the body causing it to shut down" My eyes that had been fixed on the chewing-gum spotted floor flew up to the doctor's face as he said this. "She'll die?" I crocked out staring him hard in the face. He nodded grimly before continuing "the decision is completely up to you but her labs this afternoon were worse than before, if we do nothing she hasn't got long left" with this he opened the door and lead the way into Sephy's room. She looked worse than ever. Her usually caramel coloured skin was tinged grey and so much paler than usual. There were wires and tubes poking in and out of her arms, chest and nose and as she breathed she made a thick, wheezy sound. I turned to Dr. Harrison speechless. "The infection has started to attack her lungs" he said answering my silent question.

I slowly walked around the side of her bed and sunk into a moth eaten chair that was sat there. Her good had lay delicately on top of the pale blankets. I reached my own out to it and brushed my fingers across the smooth skin. I was shocked at the lack of contrast our hands showed and at the coolness. One of my earliest memories was of Sephy creeping up behind me when we were about three, plating in her mother garden and grabbing me around the waist. I remember knowing it was her because of the warmth of her finger through my t-shirt. This distant memory that flared inside me seemed like a story I had read a long time ago without really paying much attention to it. I laced my fingers through hers and brushed a loose strand of hair off her face with the other. Just being able to touch her felt good but I wanted more than just the tiny window of skin that was my fingertips touching her. Dr. Harrison moved behind me reminding me of his presence for the first time since I sat down. I looked up into his prematurely old face.

"Give her the drugs" I said solemnly. He nodded and left the room. I returned my gaze to Sephy drinking in her delicate features. Strangely this hurt less than sitting in Meadowview prison awaiting my fate. Then I knew that then Sephy would be left behind, hurting, and I couldn't bear to think of her hurt without me. At least now her pain will end. Either way.

I don't know how long I sat there just looking at her my hand on hers staring into her face.

The opening of the door behind me made me jump slightly. I looked around and saw Dr. Harrison standing there with another, older Cross doctor.

"Callum this is Dr. Reilley, he is our Chemeotologist that will be carrying out the treatment.

"Hi Callum" Dr. Reilley Said warmly "I have been looking at Miss Hadley's labs and because of the huge amount of stress her body has been through recently it does make the treatment slightly more risky but she has youth on her side so she could still pull it back" Throughout this little speech he looked either at Sephy's chart which was in his hand or at Dr. Harrison, never at me. I nodded numbly letting the enormity if his words hit me hard in the face. _She is going to die_. Even though they both kept talking about her chances I couldn't help but think that they were just grasping at straws. All I wanted now was for her pain to end. Dr. Reilley pulled a tray with tubes and bottles strewn across it in from the hall and wheeled it towards the bed.

"Uh..."he said looking pointedly at me "You may not want to watch this it can get a bit bloody" well after witnessing the love of my life slit her wrists in front of me in sure I just couldn't handle it. "Will she be in pain?" I croaked out unable to voice my true feelings

"No, the coma will prevent her from feeling much" he replied not even looking at me. I glanced up ay Dr. Harrison for guidance while Dr. Reilley bent over Sephy. Dr. Harrison smiled up at me before ushering me out of the door. Once on the other side he turned to me and said "are you still contactable on the number you gave me yesterday?"

"Yer" I replied

"We will call you if there are any developments, you can come back in about two hours. I know this is hard, go home, get some rest, have something to eat and then come back. Ok?"

I nodded and started to walk towards the exit.

I reached Sephy's apartment in what seemed like seconds although I knew it had been longer. I trudged up the steps to her apartment and through the broken door. I slipped my shoes off at the door and collapsed onto the hard bed. Suddenly the façade I had been showing at the hospital broke and all of the pain, anger, fear, angst and jealously I had been suppressing since I had laid on Sephy's driveway watching her drive out of my life for the first all those years ago time came pouring out.


	7. You can't hide the past

Chapter 8

Jude

SPOV: _I had no idea how much time had passed. The Darkness never let up and I still had no way of moving any part of my body. It was strange but I had started to get used to it, the numbness was better than the never ending misery I had felt when Callum left. While I lay there I had had time to think about all of the things that had happened since Callum had been released from prison, though the numbness made it hard to figure out how I really felt about any of this._

_Grief suddenly ripped through me tearing out part of my chest and leaving an aching hole behind I tried to cry out but I couldn't open my mouth. I wanted to writhe with the pain that was coursing through me but my body didn't oblige. The grief mixed with betrayal and loathing as it continued its poisonous journey through me. Through the agony I was feeling I managed to wonder why this pain had suddenly crashed down on me. The emotion then began to change ever so slightly; the grief and hurt became tinged with a miniscule triumphant glow the betrayal faded slightly but the anger flared just as strong._

CPOV: The three sharp knocks on the door woke me up faster than any cup of coffee could. I knew that knock. Resigning to the fact he would let himself in as I had forgot to lock the door in my haste last night I began looking around for my boxers. My eyes came to rest on the naked woman sleeping next to me. Without the harsh light of the bar I could fully appreciate the delicate features of her face and her slender frame but realising now was not the time I pulled the sheet over her and picked my boxers off the floor and pulled them on as a tall muscular man with cropped brown hair dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans stepped into Sephy's flat. I knew who it was without even looking up but did anyway; I stared at his gaunt face taking in the subtle changes the last few years had made. No amount of time would ever make him unrecognisable to me.  
"Hey, there little bro"  
Jude.

SPOV: I _lay there for what could have been hours or seconds wanting to hit something or someone. The different emotions came in waves; I would feel so angry at one moment then just want to curl up and cry myself to sleep. It then began to change again; now I was scared and this fear let the cold numbness lift from my toes and fingers. Although I could not see them I could feel them moving around in the dark. _

CPOV: This dramatic entrance had caused some movement from the girl in my bed and we both turned to look at her. She sat up holding the bed sheet to her looking completely confused. I opened my mouth to explain but as ever Jude got there before me.  
"Jude" he announced as he walked over to her holding out a hand Abby shook it uncertainly as he went on "This fine man's brother" he motioned towards me.  
"Well don't mind me" she said regaining some of the composure she had had back in the bar as she got out of the bed still clutching the sheet around her "If you don't mind in off for a shower" then walked straight into the tiny bathroom not forgetting to throw me a filthy look in the process.

"Nice one" Jude said nodding his approval at me  
"Gave up with the Dagger bitch did you? Fancy something a little lighter?" If I hadn't been so shocked to see him would have hit him right there.  
"Must say Cal, she is pretty f..."  
"What do you want?" I asked in a curt, confused voice  
"Well maybe a cup of tea is a good place to start?" He said, smiling, the expression looked alien on his face. I obliged wordlessly sticking the kettle on and using this time to find yesterdays t-shirt and jeans.  
"So does the Dagger know your white ass is getting some while she is dying?" The smile on his face and the way he was leaning oh-so-casually against the worktop made something inside me snap. Before I really knew what I was doing I balled up a fist and swung it at his smirking face. It smashed into his jaw and I immediately regretted it. I had used the same arm I had barged the door down with and pain ripped through my arm, I only just managed to conceal it from my face as Jude recovered from the impact. "What the fuck, Cal?" He asked running his hand along his jaw staring at me full of anger. He began to walk slowly towards me and I knew a retaliatory punch would be coming to me unless I did something.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" I found myself shouting, not really knowing what I was doing, "DON'T YOU DARE COME IN HERE ALL COCKY, INSULTING SEPHY AND SMIRKING LIKE A TWAT!" All of the joking had gone from his face; all that was left now was the Jude I remembered from my LM days, cold, hard and unforgiving.  
"You don't want me as your enemy Callum" he replied in a sinister voice "You of all people should know that"

"Why the hell are you even here?" I found myself saying as I began to calm down slightly but only because I knew I would be no match for my older brother.  
"Im here to take you back where you belong" He replied as though it was obvious and considering I didn't even know where I belonged I was slightly confused. This must have shown on my face as Jude then went continued "How long did you really think you would get away with it Callum? Are you really so naive?"  
No, he couldn't be talking about that.  
"Once you're in you never get out" Jude was getting closer to me and in the distance I heard the shower turn off.  
"It's time for you to return to the LM little bro" This time there was no joking in the nickname. He said it in a condescending way, only enraging me further.  
The bathroom door opened but neither of us looked at the pretty girl in her underwear; we only had eyes for each other.

"I will never serve in that terrorist group again" I hissed, barley moving my mouth and my eyes never leaving Jude's. "Now get out of my flat or I will make you regret it"

For a moment Jude looked like he might stand down and just leave but he just stood there with a cocky grin on his face staring at me and said "Your better than this Callum, your better than a seedy flat with a dying Dagger bitch girlfriend and a pretty little whore as a bed warmer" Anger was boiling inside me as he continued "You could make a real change in this world, you could be a hero"

As ashamed as I am to admit it I almost felt tempted by the offer but I knew it was ridiculous. To distract Jude from the subject I walked towards the kettle. I found mugs, teabags and sugar all the while with Jude's eyes on me.

When I turned around to face him with the two mugs in my hands and saw Jude stood there staring at me with an ever confused and pissed off Abby in the background. I thrust the tea into Jude's hand and turned my attention to Abby. "Look, I'm sorry about last night. This isn't a great time for me though."

She shot me another glare and said "Well I had things to be doing anyway so don't let me get in your way" In a voice full of poison. With that the grabbed her clothes, pulled them on and slammed the door leaving the flat in a tense silence.

I then turned back to Jude, the calculating look that was never far from his face firmly in place and the untouched tea in his hand. "Callum, I know you're not stupid so listen to me. You are going to have to come back one way or the other, if you don't come with me it is not going to be pretty for either of us"

I let this shocking information sink in for a while as I contemplated my mug. "To be honest Jude I don't give a damn about you and I think I will take my chances with the rest of you bastards" Jude stood there for a moment as I met his gaze. He then set the mug down on the worktop and walked towards the door. He paused just before he got there and turned back to me "You are making a big mistake little bro" and then left. I could only hope that would be last time I would see him.

SPOV:

As the light returned to my life it bought all the pain back with it. I had already gone through a huge roll of emotion and now it was changing again. The fear was being replaced with heart wrenching worry.

It also bought an annoying beep with it and a flashing light in my eyes. I tried to open them but I wasn't ready for that yet. I could feel that most of my body was free from the darkness now and it wouldn't be long before I was back completely. The only problem was that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back.

The beeping got louder and other sounds were added. There were undistinguishable voices as well. The flashing was becoming more erratic and then I found the strength to open my eyes.

People were everywhere there was so much noise and motion it was completely distracted from the terrible anguish planted in my chest. I could now locate the beeping- it was coming from the heart monitor on my left and the voices, still unintelligible was changing from panicked to calmer. The flashing then started again and this time it came with the image of a doctor leaning over me shining a penlight in my eyes. He was only there for a second but I saw him smile and murmur something to someone out of sight. As my eyes began to work again I could see more and more faces but none of them were the one I wanted to see

"Callum"


	8. Jude

Chapter 8

Jude

SPOV: _I had no idea how much time had passed. The Darkness never let up and I still had no way of moving any part of my body. It was strange but I had started to get used to it, the numbness was better than the never ending misery I had felt when Callum left. While I lay there I had had time to think about all of the things that had happened since Callum had been released from prison, though the numbness made it hard to figure out how I really felt about any of this._

_Grief suddenly ripped through me tearing out part of my chest and leaving an aching hole behind I tried to cry out but I couldn't open my mouth. I wanted to writhe with the pain that was coursing through me but my body didn't oblige. The grief mixed with betrayal and loathing as it continued its poisonous journey through me. Through the agony I was feeling I managed to wonder why this pain had suddenly crashed down on me. The emotion then began to change ever so slightly; the grief and hurt became tinged with a miniscule triumphant glow the betrayal faded slightly but the anger flared just as strong._

CPOV: The three sharp knocks on the door woke me up faster than any cup of coffee could. I knew that knock. Resigning to the fact he would let himself in as I had forgot to lock the door in my haste last night I began looking around for my boxers. My eyes came to rest on the naked woman sleeping next to me. Without the harsh light of the bar I could fully appreciate the delicate features of her face and her slender frame but realising now was not the time I pulled the sheet over her and picked my boxers off the floor and pulled them on as a tall muscular man with cropped brown hair dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans stepped into Sephy's flat. I knew who it was without even looking up but did anyway; I stared at his gaunt face taking in the subtle changes the last few years had made. No amount of time would ever make him unrecognisable to me.  
"Hey, there little bro"  
Jude.

SPOV: I _lay there for what could have been hours or seconds wanting to hit something or someone. The different emotions came in waves; I would feel so angry at one moment then just want to curl up and cry myself to sleep. It then began to change again; now I was scared and this fear let the cold numbness lift from my toes and fingers. Although I could not see them I could feel them moving around in the dark. _

CPOV: This dramatic entrance had caused some movement from the girl in my bed and we both turned to look at her. She sat up holding the bed sheet to her looking completely confused. I opened my mouth to explain but as ever Jude got there before me.  
"Jude" he announced as he walked over to her holding out a hand Abby shook it uncertainly as he went on "This fine man's brother" he motioned towards me.  
"Well don't mind me" she said regaining some of the composure she had had back in the bar as she got out of the bed still clutching the sheet around her "If you don't mind in off for a shower" then walked straight into the tiny bathroom not forgetting to throw me a filthy look in the process.

"Nice one" Jude said nodding his approval at me  
"Gave up with the Dagger bitch did you? Fancy something a little lighter?" If I hadn't been so shocked to see him would have hit him right there.  
"Must say Cal, she is pretty f..."  
"What do you want?" I asked in a curt, confused voice  
"Well maybe a cup of tea is a good place to start?" He said, smiling, the expression looked alien on his face. I obliged wordlessly sticking the kettle on and using this time to find yesterdays t-shirt and jeans.  
"So does the Dagger know your white ass is getting some while she is dying?" The smile on his face and the way he was leaning oh-so-casually against the worktop made something inside me snap. Before I really knew what I was doing I balled up a fist and swung it at his smirking face. It smashed into his jaw and I immediately regretted it. I had used the same arm I had barged the door down with and pain ripped through my arm, I only just managed to conceal it from my face as Jude recovered from the impact. "What the fuck, Cal?" He asked running his hand along his jaw staring at me full of anger. He began to walk slowly towards me and I knew a retaliatory punch would be coming to me unless I did something.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" I found myself shouting, not really knowing what I was doing, "DON'T YOU DARE COME IN HERE ALL COCKY, INSULTING SEPHY AND SMIRKING LIKE A TWAT!" All of the joking had gone from his face; all that was left now was the Jude I remembered from my LM days, cold, hard and unforgiving.  
"You don't want me as your enemy Callum" he replied in a sinister voice "You of all people should know that"

"Why the hell are you even here?" I found myself saying as I began to calm down slightly but only because I knew I would be no match for my older brother.  
"Im here to take you back where you belong" He replied as though it was obvious and considering I didn't even know where I belonged I was slightly confused. This must have shown on my face as Jude then went continued "How long did you really think you would get away with it Callum? Are you really so naive?"  
No, he couldn't be talking about that.  
"Once you're in you never get out" Jude was getting closer to me and in the distance I heard the shower turn off.  
"It's time for you to return to the LM little bro" This time there was no joking in the nickname. He said it in a condescending way, only enraging me further.  
The bathroom door opened but neither of us looked at the pretty girl in her underwear; we only had eyes for each other.

"I will never serve in that terrorist group again" I hissed, barley moving my mouth and my eyes never leaving Jude's. "Now get out of my flat or I will make you regret it"

For a moment Jude looked like he might stand down and just leave but he just stood there with a cocky grin on his face staring at me and said "Your better than this Callum, your better than a seedy flat with a dying Dagger bitch girlfriend and a pretty little whore as a bed warmer" Anger was boiling inside me as he continued "You could make a real change in this world, you could be a hero"

As ashamed as I am to admit it I almost felt tempted by the offer but I knew it was ridiculous. To distract Jude from the subject I walked towards the kettle. I found mugs, teabags and sugar all the while with Jude's eyes on me.

When I turned around to face him with the two mugs in my hands and saw Jude stood there staring at me with an ever confused and pissed off Abby in the background. I thrust the tea into Jude's hand and turned my attention to Abby. "Look, I'm sorry about last night. This isn't a great time for me though."

She shot me another glare and said "Well I had things to be doing anyway so don't let me get in your way" In a voice full of poison. With that the grabbed her clothes, pulled them on and slammed the door leaving the flat in a tense silence.

I then turned back to Jude, the calculating look that was never far from his face firmly in place and the untouched tea in his hand. "Callum, I know you're not stupid so listen to me. You are going to have to come back one way or the other, if you don't come with me it is not going to be pretty for either of us"

I let this shocking information sink in for a while as I contemplated my mug. "To be honest Jude I don't give a damn about you and I think I will take my chances with the rest of you bastards" Jude stood there for a moment as I met his gaze. He then set the mug down on the worktop and walked towards the door. He paused just before he got there and turned back to me "You are making a big mistake little bro" and then left. I could only hope that would be last time I would see him.

SPOV:

As the light returned to my life it bought all the pain back with it. I had already gone through a huge roll of emotion and now it was changing again. The fear was being replaced with heart wrenching worry.

It also bought an annoying beep with it and a flashing light in my eyes. I tried to open them but I wasn't ready for that yet. I could feel that most of my body was free from the darkness now and it wouldn't be long before I was back completely. The only problem was that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back.

The beeping got louder and other sounds were added. There were undistinguishable voices as well. The flashing was becoming more erratic and then I found the strength to open my eyes.

People were everywhere there was so much noise and motion it was completely distracted from the terrible anguish planted in my chest. I could now locate the beeping- it was coming from the heart monitor on my left and the voices, still unintelligible was changing from panicked to calmer. The flashing then started again and this time it came with the image of a doctor leaning over me shining a penlight in my eyes. He was only there for a second but I saw him smile and murmur something to someone out of sight. As my eyes began to work again I could see more and more faces but none of them were the one I wanted to see

"Callum"


	9. waking up

_Hello everyone, thanks for bearing with me. As you may have noticed i have updated all of the previous chapter hopefully making them better! You don't have to re-read them but it may give you something to do between now ant the next update which hopefull won't be too long!_

_Thanks for reading and please review!_

* * *

Chapter 9

Waking up

CPOV:

As Jude closed the door the true feeling of loneliness engulfed me. All I wanted now, more than anything, was to hold Sephy in my arms and for her to tell me that I was being stupid and everything would be alright. But this was a childish fantasy, Sephy may never be coming back, my heart lurched at the thought and my breath caught in my throat. The other large problem that was facing me at the moment was that Jude was right and the LM would be after me and soon. I had no idea what to do but one thing was certain, I had spent way too much time being idle and now was the time for action.

I jumped in the shower for a few minutes and then dressed myself in clean clothes. Blue jeans, a light coloured t-shirt and a black hoody to ward off the cold. I then reached under the bed and pulled out my black rucksack that I had put my possessions in when I had left prison. I spent the next half an hour searching the run-down flat from top to bottom, pulling open every possible drawer and cupboard looking for items that would help me with the task that I now knew I had to carry out.

At the end of my search I studied the collection of items I had accumulated. There was a small collection of essential food, all the money I could scrounge up which totalled at about £70, the cable from the stained telephone, a change of clothes, a sharp knife from the kitchen and a ball of string that from the look of it had been there before Sephy had moved in. I added a fresh looking notebook and pen that Sephy must have bought with her from her parent's house and stuffed all of these things into my battered backpack. I took one final look around the flat and on a final whim grabbed a day old newspaper off the coffee table as I left the depressing room for hopefully the last time.

SPOV: As soon as I managed to speak all of the blurry bodies in the room stopped what they were doing and gathered around my bed. I blinked a few more times and finally managed to bring them all into focus, the only man in the room was closest to me. There were two more women that stood either side of the bed I appeared to be lying on. As I lay there trying to take in as much as possible I could hear the continued movements of the strangers in my room. The initial exertion on my voice had rendered me voiceless once again and all I could do was to look and listen to the unfamiliar surroundings I found myself in. The two women in the room seemed to be operating under the instruction if the man although I couldn't distinguish exactly what he was saying.

I opened my mouth again for another go at talking and to my relief it worked again "Where am I?"  
I managed to choke out. The man, who hadn't left my side, moved his face fractionally closer to mine so that I could hear him clearly.  
"Sephy, you are in Meadowview Hospital. You sustained a nasty injury and contracted an infection from it. You have been unconscious for a number of days but you are defiantly out of the woods and should be back to yourself soon." All of this was said with a slow deliberate voice that made it seem much less scary that it truly was.

Out of this speech a few of the facts began to cement themselves in my brain. _I have been unconscious for days? I was in a hospital? _And then forgetting all the facts the question began to emerge seeming to breed like bacteria in my head for too quickly for me to acknowledge all of them. As a result they seemed to tumble from my mouth in a rush all at once almost certainly making no sense to anyone else. "Where is Callum?" "How did I injure myself?" "What happened?"

As I spoke I became aware of a burning sensation in my left hand but I pushed it to the back of my mind. There were more important things I had to work out right now. I looked expectantly up at the person next to me who I now had to assume was my doctor looking for some answers.

"We have tried to contact Callum but the phone in your apartment appears to have been disconnected. As for the other questions I think it is better if you talk those through with one of our Psyche Specialists.  
If that was meant to placate me in anyway the doctor was severely mistaken. It only bought more questions into my head such as why did I need to talk to a psyche specialist?

With one last reassuring smile the doctor left with one of the nurses. The second nurse stayed pressing buttons below the bleeping monitor that was next to my bed. After a few moments I couldn't stay quiet any longer and turned to the nurse next to me

"I am going to be ok aren't I?" I asked in a small pathetic voice. The response was a warm smile and the nurse saying

"Yes, your injury wasn't really that bad, there are just a few things that the psyche consult wants to talk through with you but there is nothing to worry about". I felt relief at first but soon realised how empty these words were, I could have been on my death bed and she would have told me the same thing. The nurse turned to smile at me once more and then left and all of a sudden I realised how alone I was.

CPOV: I drained my fourth cup of coffee and looked out at the rain washed street that was on the other side of the grubby glass window I was sat behind.

I was sitting in an internet Café just outside of Meadowview with resolve I had not had since it had been drilled into me in LM training. I had finally woken up and realised what had to be done. As I fidgeted my foot knocked against the bag at my feet and bought my mind sharply to the task that I had to carry out.

On the screen in front was _The Daily Bugle_ website although I wasn't paying much attention to it. My focus, instead, was on the large suburban house opposite the café. For the last three hours I had been recording all the comings and goings of the premises and the security I could see that protected it.

All of this information was being scribbled down on the napkin to my right. An unmarked white van pulled up to the gates, spent a few seconds conversing with the intercom and the sailed through. I picked up my pen to writes this down as a waitress came over to the counter I was seated at holding a coffee pot.

"Want another refill?" She asked in a bored voice, I nodded without looking at her and continued to pretend to browse the screen in front of me. After two more hours of the same routine the same waitress returned to my table

"We're closing, you have to leave" she told me in an annoyed voice as though customers were nothing but an irritation in this café.  
"Okay, thanks" I replied, my voice hoarse from lack of use. Placing some of the money I had taken from Sephy's apartment on the counter I got up and left.

The night had darkened quickly but this would be to my advantage. I walked once quickly once around the block before returning to the café. As I had hoped it was now deserted. Pulling up the hood of my jacket I settled myself down on the concrete step. I was not going to move for some time.


End file.
